Changes

This is it. The freedom that I have been dreaming of is now becoming a reality. In 30 days, I am on my own. It's funny how the news came to me. I was thinking I would be nervous, freaked out. But on the contrary, I was cool and calm.

It is good that I have prepared for this months ago, without planning that is. I don't know what happened but it seemed like everything just fell into place.

That being said, and moving forward, it is a change that I welcome. Hoping though that I do not need to pull the rip chord of my emergency shoot when the time comes.

Keeping my fingers crossed while working hard to hit my goals.

The Crossroads

I am at a crossroads in my life where I need to make an important decision that can either make me or break me.

The past 8 months has been very difficult for me and my family. The start up business, the uncertainty in my career, and the never ending financial problems that we had to deal with day to day.

This coupled with negative vibes coming from the usual suspects was tiring and stressful to say the least.

But my motto has always been "this will be over soon". Business has been steady and promising, I still have my consultancy, and opportunities keep coming my way. Last but not the least, my wife and I made a major decision that will change our lives forever.

Selling your house is no joke. The haggling, the paper work, the funding, etc., etc., etc. Then comes the buying where you need to hit it right on the sweet spot to make sure you and your family have a roof on your head that you can call your own home forever.

It is a breakthrough and we made it happen. Moving forward there is still a lot to do and I know we will make it soon.

I will post pictures as soon as we move in. Looking forward.....

Knucklehead?

With the project I have been working on for more than a year, fast moving forward, I am soon going to be living my dream to see everything I have drawn up in paper become a reality.

It has been a hard uphill climb since day one but an exciting and very fruitful experience indeed. In the course of working towards making this a reality, I have come to know better who my friends are and who are not worth my time. There were those who gave commitments but did not make good with their promise.

But that's all water under the bridge. All that matters to me now is to see people coming in and liking my food so we can hit our targets and turn this into a viable business venture that will grow and provide employment to people and enable me and my partners to share the fruits of our labor with the people that we love.

Not bad for a bunch of knuckleheads ...........

Magical Moments

Some time in the early 2000's, I joined a ride to a beach north of Manila. There was one night where we gathered in a room and jammed using a guitar and bongos. It was so much fun I ended up getting carried away doing a solo on vocals and bongos that turned into a rap of sorts that we all agreed was a magical moment we failed to record on video but will be forever remembered.

Another magical moment was at the start of this year where I played at a friend's birthday party. At the onset, I was just going through the motions. But as the night went on, the playing became so intense everyone enjoyed it till it lasted until 4 in the morning.

Same thing happened. No one remembered to record it on video, and it just remained a memory. One great jam.

Last Friday, I had the honor and pleasure to be joined by two of the country's best musicians. We did 2 long unrehearsed impromptu sets that we, and everyone in the house enjoyed, my wife and family included.

Before the set, I was scared shitless. The last time I sat on a drum kit was almost a year ago which by the way was another magical moment. this time caught on camera, posted on youtube.com

There was no rehearsal, no line up, no plans of what we were to do. There were a few adjustments here and there and admittedly some funny mistakes that went barely noticed. Overall I was happy and I consider this one of those magical moments.

To sum it all up, it was a great way to kick off the Father's Day weekend. A great weekend I shall always remember for the rest of my life. Till the next one.

A Friend In Need

Two strikes for me in discovering the true colors of a person. Fine weathered and in need are two of the best words to describe them.

Just last week I received an unexpected call from a dear friend. There were the usual hi's and how are you's but after I did my talking, the true purpose of the call came out.

He needed advice about something important that gave me the feeling I've been used again. Fine by me for as long as you call and get straight to the point. Not beating around the bush to give the impression you care.

This morning, I had another taste of that familiar feeling. Although I do have an obligation to settle, I felt the guy was pushing me more to get what he wanted aside of course from my obligation that needed to be settled.

Well, I guess that's life. You get sand kicked at your face at times when you are at your lowest and you can't do anything but find a way to solve it. In the meantime you keep your chin up and go though the motions as the world does not stop turning.

I just find consolation in coming home to my family. Seeing them in good health, swapping stories, laughing, and breaking bread while the world keeps turning and we all turn with it.

Silver

I remember the list of anniversaries starting with "paper" for the first year and so on and so forth. But people remember the longer ones well....silver, gold, diamond.

Silver for 25 years. In my case, add another 7.5 years so that totals 32.5 years.\

Looking back, it certainly is a looooong time when you think about it. Reclusion Perpetua or a life sentence starts around 25 years. So in short, my wife and I have served our life sentences plus 7.5 years.

When I think about it, it really doesn't feel like 25 years and I look forward to another 25. Hopefully our kids are stable by then and so are we. So we can enjoy each other's company more and see the world.

Meantime, all we can do is dream as dreams are free and we are cheap. Cheap but happy.

As I write, I remember 25 years ago we were still at the reception venue with over a hundred people that we wanted to leave so we could be alone.

Nowadays it is a luxury to be alone but we always find time whatever the situation may be.

There were many plans for a big celebration, travel, etc. Sad to say, they never pushed through....as usual.

But like I said before. We never stop dreaming. We never stop moving forward no matter how difficult the odds may be.

Come to think of it, all I want is some time alone with my best friend for 32.5 years. I know you deserve more and we are both working hard for it.

But in the meantime, let's just continue dreaming, loving, caring, laughing as we have been since the day we met.

And I thank you for all the years you have stood by me and our children.

Today it is silver and I look forward to gold

When Shit Hits the Fan

Sa pagdaan ng panahon unti unti kong nakikita ang tunay nilang kulay

Ang kulay ng bulok. Masakit sa mata, nalalasahan sa pagtingin, naaamoy sa malayo, nakakasuka

Sa iyong paglipad, tila napakataas ng iyong mararating

Ngunit habang pinagmamasdan kita, hindi ka Masaya

Sa halip, kalungkutan ang aking nakikita sa likod ng iyong mga ngiti

Galit sa bawat mong tawa

Hindi nakukuha sa ganyan yan

Maaring mabili mo ang ilan pero hindi ang lahat

Ang palasyo mo bagamat malaki at malawak ay inaamag

Walang tao, walang buhay, walang pag ibig

Crawling Out of a Hole

Now I know how it feels like when you try to crawl out of a hole. You get sucked in deep, and it gets darker and darker. The darker it gets, the light from above gets brighter and brighter.

Everyone looks down on you and watches you try to crawl out. What I learned is no one will go out of their way to pull you out except a few friends. Some will even commit to call you, but you find yourself hanging and waiting for nothing.

It is demeaning, depressing, and tiring to say the least. With people belonging to the root of the problem, leaving you desperate to solve the problem on your own.

It was a hard lesson learned and learn I did. Now it's time to work harder to find a way out of it for good I hope. So I can give more to the ones I love and make sure they do not experience the same painful thing.

But my chin is still up and will always be up as I keep trying until I achieve the freedom I have been longing for, no matter what it takes.

In the end, the good part of this exercise is that there is a limit to everything. Once you cross that line and there are no options left, you are damned for life.

Music

"Where words fail, music speaks" so goes a quote that I found while surfing the net. Music has been my savior of sorts as I and my family go through a major crisis in our lives. Funny thing about it is everyone is happy at home and it seems there is no crisis at all.

However, the weary need to rest. I have not had a vacation in a long time and have been silent and out of the loop in my circle of friends.

I am tired, impatient, and frustrated over the waiting game I again have to play as the year of the dragon starts.

As they say, time is gold and I have always tried to buy time at a very expensive cost.

Well, there is nothing more I can do but wait. Meantime, I hold my chin up and do what needs to be done to survive. As I always say, this will be over soon.

Blues

In an anniversary party of our company in 2003, I hired famous Filipino Reggae band "Tropical Despression". I have been following this band since the 90's as aside from knowing their front man personally, their former bassist was a band mate in high school.

After their set, they hurriedly left the venue telling me they had to catch the gig of Juan Dela Cruz lead guitarist and rock icon Wally Gonzalez. I couldn't believe what I had heard as Wally was out of the music scene for more than 15 years.

A week after, cutting a long story short, I had followed Wally's gigs at his band's home, Chaquico's formerly Kiko's bar and at other bars when my tight schedule allowed me to.

Every time I watched his gigs, I had this desire to ask him to play even one song to make my dream come true to play with my idol. Unbelievably at a product launch last night, that dream came true.

It was "Halo Halo Special" as my friend called the band named "The Manila Blues Experiment". A collection of great musical talents from well known rock and jazz bands in Manila: Kat Agarado of Sino Sikat, Louie Talan of Razor Back, Vic Mercado of Rivermaya and Bamboo, Wowee Posadas, session keyboardist and drummer of several great artists, and of course the rock guitar god and my idol...Wally Gonzalez.

Fortunately, good friends made the request with slight hesitation from some of the band members but the 2 of my favorite "Wally Songs" : Wally's Blues and JDLC original Beep Beep were approved by Wally so the jam went on with Wally's Blues coming in first. Powerful at the build up, unforgettable in the end. And it was most fulfilling after your idol gives you his sign of approval with a high five.

Another JDLC song came in second but it was more of a fun segue to the first song as we all did not take it seriously being sung by a friend who had a drink too many. Fast forward, I requested to sing "Beep Beep" while playing the drums. I felt the entire band was worried as they thought it was going to be a train wreck. Well, I proved them wrong. The song was sung an played in the format of the original version in the "Maskara Album". And what was so rewarding was to see seasoned musicians looking at you while we played as if saying something through their instruments. It was tight and heavy till the end.

That's one off my bucket list. Amid all of life's hardships, there are always moments that lighten you up. Surely one for the books that I will never forget till the end of my days.

Thank you Manila Blues Experience for one of the best experiences I have ever encountered in my life. I look forward to more.

Bright Idea

I have not stopped using my imagination to come up with a new concept for this new project I have been working on for months.

With the goal of having my own "brand", I have exhausted everything I can to come up with at least 3 alternative concepts just in case the one I chose does not get accepted by my partners.

In as short as 10 minutes into my explanation, I was happy to see their faces light up with their big nods of approval.

So here we go again, moving forward and thinking of ways to mix good taste and affordable price with a concept that will come in with a bang!

I hope I can open this with the budget I estimated with in time for the holiday season. It would help my family a lot and it would give opportunities to my brothers as well.

Taste test is in the making......Let's get it on!

BER

We have now reached the "BER" months. That means, in 3 months, people will get crazy again and celebrate Christmas season. The time of the year when you eat what you are not supposed to, there are parties almost every week, and people wait for you to give them a little something to spread the cheer so to speak. Good for those with deep pockets, dangerous for those who have none in them.

Well life has been too exciting lately and I'm hoping the excitement mellows a little bit so I can rest. I mean, I'm not complaining but sometimes a guy needs some R&R.

It would be great if I could buy a bike though. I miss biking and racing.

I hope to be able to do it soon.

Moving On

It's been a while since I last posted in this blog of mine and there are times I have already forgotten it even exists.

Another boring day so I decided to put something new today.

Yes, it was a big opportunity as I mentioned in my last post, but little did I know that it would turn out into a big headache. Real colors of people you knew and did not know started to show, and the circus came to town. You got crooks, Mr. know it alls, button pushers, big talkers.

But life went on, on a positive note, and I am proud to say that the team towed the line. From a very optimistic and enthusiastic start to survival mode, admittedly I have sort of fallen in love with the challenge.....why? I have no idea.

I am just fortunate to have partners that are honest, a very supportive and loving wife, and friends who come to your rescue whenever you need them.

I write from the point of view of the circle within the business. Outside that circle lurk the critics who judge and preach their quick fix tips even though they have zero experience in this type of business. The holier than thous who think like they are some kind of well known food critic but the truth is, they do not even know their food.

On the other hand there are the advisers, each word of advice they give you is a treasure that you will learn from. Their kind words inspire and give you the strength to move on day after day.

Whatever it is, I hope in that in the end, the workers are taken cared of. All the bad eggs have left and the ones who stayed behind are all deserving of a better future.

Like the greeting I received last New Year's eve from a dear adviser, May you be more blessed this year so that you may share your blessings with the ones you love.

I surely wish the same for our workers and everyone who put in his and her heart and soul into this venture. Good luck to us.

Here We Go Again

I posted a very positive statement in my status bar at FB last Monday morning. Reason for this was another big opportunity for me as I embark on a new business venture, the fruit of a spur of the moment conversation with a friend I needed to catch up with.

Based on the meetings we had....so far so good and things are looking bright for this new project, my fourth for the year.

I have a good feeling about this as there has been no negative vibe since the day we started. As I posted the next day "This is it! Point of no return!". I was full of excitement and enthusiasm. Everything felt right from the place, to the decor, to the land lord.

Like all the business ventures I have gotten into, I really don't have an idea of what is in store for all of us who put in our money for a better future. I just wish everyone all the best as we start a journey into the unknown.

Keep 'em coming

Since my trip to the City of Pines almost 4 months ago, a lot of things have happened. I seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth in the eyes of "normal" people as I have been immersed in training since then.

A lot of obstacles have been hurdled as far as personal and business matters are concerned. And my goal to finish another IM 70.3 was fulfilled 19 minutes better than last years time.

My wife and I were able to sneak a mini honeymoon at the beautiful Caramoan Islands and everything good has been happening since despite the pot holes that I normally encounter in life's never ending road.

Yesterday was a time for long lost friends. I had a blast after a long vacation from partying. Based on my calendar of events, there are more meet ups and mini reunions to come which is nice as I will be seeing my classmates once again.

It has been an uphill climb for me as usual. But the funny thing is, the opportunities keep coming and keep getting better. A good sign that I am constantly moving forward which is my mentality in any race.

Today I hit a big pot hole but the options are still there. So keep em coming as I keep moving forward to deal with every obstacle the lies ahead.

The City of Pines

It has been awhile since my last visit to the Philippines' "Summer Capital". The last time I think was like 5 years ago with my scooter club.

Last weekend was different as we went there as a family. Family meaning, almost the entire clan, my mom, wife and kids, and close family friends.

It turned out to be a reunion of sorts as we met and lived with family friends we had not seen for decades. Aside from this, it was a first time for my youngest son to see the place, a promise I was able to fulfill after years of wishing and planning.

To cut a long story short, we had a blast doing all the touristy stuff any regular Baguio visitor would try to stay away from. Sad to say, I saw how the place had deteriorated and how it had changed from a quiet little city, green all around to a congested polluted, and traffic filled city.

We used to buy native souvenirs when we were young as well as snacks and anything ethnic Baguio had to offer. Now its second hand clothes, military surplus, and an array of junk.

The man made lake at Burnham park was colored dark green. An incentive to all boat passengers never to fall in the lake. Not to drown but to die of all the bacteria the lake water had to offer.

I enjoyed the run I did with my wife though. It gave me a glimpse of what Baguio used to be and the smell of pine filled the air in the area where we ran.

I look forward to our return trip this December. I hope the entire family can be there so we can enjoy it more.

Loss

In the past years, I have experienced tremendous losses : financial loss in the field of business, loss of pride and ego due to money matters. Well to sum it all up, it is always losing money or money is always not enough. This is almost normal to me, routine to say the least.

All the years that I have lived and supported my family as a sole bread winner has made me tough in facing these challenges which I should say are part of the game.

Last month I suffered one of the biggest losses in my life when my father died unexpectedly. Many decades were peaks and valleys for him. The same goes for my relationship with him which was quite a roller coaster ride.

For some strange reason, things started to fall into place a little over a year before he passed. He was happier, relaxed, fulfilled. Our conversations were longer, happier, meaningful.

I was even able to record one where we went on for almost 2 hours.

It was painful to see him go that way. He was in good health and could have lived a longer life. But life is like that and we are not in control of what can happen as we live this difficult life.

I have many could haves : I could have bought him new shoes, could have taken him out to lunch, could have played golf with him. But obligations and work usually get in the way and before I knew it he was gone.

Many changes in the family have transpired since his passing. Changes that have made the family better and stronger in terms of relationships.

These are the signs of the times : we are vulnerable and we are getting older.

We can say life goes on and we have to move on. Board that cart wheel and continue the rat race that we started since the day we were born.

But I miss him and I hope to see him again.

Excited

I took a leave today after a very tense filled week. Not to rest but to work on a project that came from an idea from an overseas trip last year.

It seems to be moving as planned and tonight, we get to present it to the man who will either give it a thumbs up or its back to the drawing board.

Whatever it is, I do hope it works out as I dreamed it to be : an idea I came up with turning into a business venture that brings me back as an entrepreneur, a chance to work with my wife, a chance to help those who need a break like me.

I have very high hopes and expectations for this and I am very excited about it.

I'll tell you more about it soon.

Hope

Former Singapore PM Lee Kwan Yew once said that religion gives hope to those who believe which is a good thing.

In my case, hope is when you keep trying and thinking of ways to make your life better. You need patience and tenacity to be able to pull this off otherwise you become hopeless.

Just the other day, an idea entered my mind and I did not stop at it so I sent a proposal to a friend. An mere idea now gives hope to my family in these tough times.

I just "hope" it works. But by the way things are going, there is light at the end of the tunnel. A brainstorming weekend and a research and development session also turned out into bonding time with my family which is a wonderful thing.

It is tiring sometimes to get over each hurdle day by day. But when something like this comes up, it seems so easy to overcome each hurdle.

We have exactly 3 weeks before we go through the final test. Funds are dwindling, resources are limited, but hopes are high......very high.

I keep telling myself that if I will be able to pull this off, I will help those who are in need in my family.

Good luck to us all....

Of Door Stoppers, Friends to the End and Starting the Year with an Anxiety Attack

The year ended quietly and simply ( for my family that is), issues between families were settled and problems were forgotten while the holiday vacation lasted.

New years should always be started right, so the entire year runs well. On the contrary, mine started with a "BANG" initiated by our problem star of the show "Mr. Anxiety Attack". His problems need to be the whole family's problem, his sleepless nights are our sleepless nights as well. Now he needs to see a psychiatrist at PHP 3,500 a pop?

For someone who barely does anything in life, he is too expensive to maintain, financially, emotionally, psychologically. Come to think of it, I should be the one to see a shrink? No way, not the type to give up as I see these are all flavors my life has to offer me and all I can say is it could have been worse.

Another flavor is the so called "friend to the end type", the one who seems to care but waits for the benefits you can bring him whatever it may be. Sometimes to the point of being his clown. But in the end, I am the one laughing the most.

At the time I needed help most, was the time this character of a person trades me for an expensive door stopper. You know what door stoppers are used for....stopping doors from closing or opening. For him that is, but this one could have tied me over a couple of months without having to "down grade". Well I guess spreading the sunshine doesn't exist after all. Even if you have no use for the damn thing.

Honestly this year seems like a tough one for me. But in the end, I will come out of this smiling again. Just like the past years. At least now I know who I should be with.

Bring it on!